I had a consultation with the plastic surgeon yesterday. He thoroughly explained the reconstruction process, which will begin with the surgery to remove my breasts. Because of chemo the best course of action for me is to have expanders placed and filled every two weeks with saline until the desired size is reached. The “fills” will begin two weeks after surgery. The downside is that I will have to stop the “fills” during chemo, which makes the process that much longer. I will also have to have three more procedures to complete the process. It’s going to be a long year!

I’ve joked that at least I’ll get a boob job out of this cancer situation, but to tell you the truth it’s not “just a boob job.” It’s more like an amputation. I’m 42 years old and single, so of course questions pop into my mind about body image and the future. I am trusting God to see me through this. I’ve had several people tell me depression is coming, but I hope they are wrong. I’m praying that as long as I focus on the Lord, He will keep the depression away. (so far, so good!)

In order to focus more on Him, tonight I am meditating on 1 Corinthians 13.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

As I read and re-read this scripture, I can’t help but thank the Father for His great love…Thank Him for being a God of love and for loving me when I fail…Thank Him for never giving up on me. I also realize how selfish I am when it comes to love, looking only inward instead of outward. I am praying for the Father to continue opening my eyes, both physically and spiritually, to love…His amazing love as well as the love around me.

I cannot thank Him enough for the encouraging love that I have received from a host of friends. Their words of comfort and strength have helped me through the last few weeks. I want to be more like them and share His love with everyone I meet. As I travel this “Glory Walk” (as a friend calls it), I pray the Lord will let my eyes be open to see His love and to spread His love to others.

If you are going through a particularly trying situation, I urge you to seek God’s love for you by opening God’s Word. It will lift you up and give you the strength to overcome doubt and anxiety. Just reading God’s Word helps me to calm down and see things through His eyes and not my own.

As I wait for the doctors to schedule the surgery, I pray that the Lord will strengthen me. I am not a patient person, but I know that the Lord has a perfect plan and His timing is perfect. I continue to thank Him for His faithfulness.

I know that God has this!

Prayer Points for Today

• Surgery date (sooner rather than later)
• Continued wisdom
• Strength to stay connected to the Father
• Courage for the journey