It’s Christmas, the most joyful time of the year. God sent His only son to bear the sins of the world. His indescribable gift gives us hope to face whatever comes our way. From year to year, I can look back and see the many blessings God has given me and this year was no different.

Last year, I really didn’t have a care in the world. I only wanted to enjoy the holidays with my family and friends. This year, I want to the same thing, but not because I don’t have a care in the world, but because I know how precious time is. My cancer diagnosis has brought to life my own mortality and I’ve seen how precious life is when God called home friends this week, some suddenly and some after a long-term illness.

Our time on earth is short and we should use our time to share God’s light and life with the world. He is the reason that I have hope for tomorrow. He is the reason that I am thankful for another day, another season, and hopefully another year to spread His love.

I have two more treatments! Praise the Lord! I am so excited to see the end of this chemo journey. I am praying that my numbers will stay high enough that I can do the last two weekly treatments and be done by December 28. (I hate to say that out loud because this was supposed to be my last week.) I already have my pet scan scheduled for January 4. Hopefully, following that I will be declared cancer free!

Again, I am so thankful for all of the people who have been praying for me. I am truly humbled and honored that I am being lifted up to the Savior. My journey is far from over, but I know who holds my future. I am praying that you know He holds yours too.

Prayer Points for Today:

• That the Abraxane will work in killing any rogue cancer cells
• That my numbers will be high enough to finish the last two treatments
• That the side effects will continue to be minimal especially the neuropathy
• That the fatigue will go away with the iron infusions I will have with the last two treatments

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

—  Philippians 4:6-7

Since my cancer diagnosis, I oftentimes find myself feeling anxious about the future and what twists and turns may lay ahead on this journey. Over the last eight months, I have learned that my previous prayer life was lacking and that His peace really does transcend all understanding.

From the time the words “it’s cancer” was spoken to now, God has poured His peace into my life. There have been times when I wanted to drown in worry and anxiousness, but each time God’s peace prevailed. He pulled me out of the depths of despair and has fought this battle for me.

I am now halfway through chemo. I will have my 9th treatment this afternoon and I can honestly say that I have been blessed through each one. God is definitely in the details. When I started the 12 weekly Taxol treatments five weeks ago, I thought they would be a breeze. The doctor had told me these treatments were easier than the AC. However, for me that wasn’t the case. The hand and foot syndrome got worse with each treatment making it hard to walk or use my hands for 2-3 days after each treatment. At that point, I wasn’t sure how I would make it through the remaining treatments.

When I saw the nurse practitioner right before the fourth treatment she took one look at my hands and immediately said I couldn’t take the Taxol again. She said they could put me on Abraxane, which is in the same family as Taxol, but has a different carrier. Not gonna lie, I was a little apprehensive. I knew that with TNBC, I needed strong doses of chemo and everything I had read said Taxol was the standard of care. I was also disappointed that I would have to skip that week’s treatment, which would extend my chemo treatments. I was so looking forward to December 7. When I got home, I immediately started researching Abraxane and quickly realized I should never question the Lord’s plans.

I learned that Abraxane is used for late stage metastatic breast cancer (among other types of cancers). I’m still thankful that we caught mine early enough, and I pray fervently that it never comes back, but I can’t help but think God and His infinite wisdom was at work again. He is protecting me with this new drug, which according to the patient education nurse is actually the better drug. Some of the side effects are the same, but overall it is better on your body.

I do have some neuropathy in my fingers, but it has lessened since I started the Abraxane treatments. I am praying that it doesn’t get any worse over the next 8 weeks.

Again, I can’t thank you enough for walking this journey with me and lifting me up to our Father. He is truly the source of my strength on this journey.

Prayer Points for Today:

• That the Abraxane will work in killing any rogue cancer cells
• That my numbers will come back up after each treatment
• That the side effects will be minimal especially the neuropathy

I am so thankful for the many people who are encouraging me and praying for me on this journey. Your prayers have definitely been felt and God continues to be faithful.

Let me catch you up. The first treatment was a learning experience! I was very nauseated and had a terrible headache for about 5 days. Thankfully this went away by Tuesday. A week after my first treatment, they did lab work to check my white blood count. I was extremely neutropenic. My neutrophil count was in the 260s when it should have been around 1500, which means my body could not have fought off an infection. I went back on an antibiotic for a few days and had to be careful around other people. Thankfully, I didn’t catch anything and when they did my blood work this past Thursday, my numbers were extremely high. My total white blood count was over 6000 and my neutrophil count was over 3000. The Neulasta shot worked!

So, I had my second Adriamycin/Cytoxan chemo on Thursday. This one was much better (if you can say that about chemo). No nausea yet, just a slight headache from the Cytoxan. They slowed the drip down to combat the headache and that worked as well. Hopefully, we can slow it down even further to keep the headache away for good. I am a little more fatigued with this treatment so I’m learning how to deal with that.

I guess the biggest thing I’ve had to get used to is being bald. My hair started coming out yesterday in chunks, so I knew it was time to shave it off. I’d been putting it off, even though I new it was something that was going to happen. FYI…My brother, Chris, had a little too much fun shaving my head last night. I think he was giddy the whole time, not that it took that long. I went from short hair to no hair in the span of about 10 minutes. Having no hair, I did learn that I would need to wear a cap at night, so I would be so cold. I’m also still getting used to looking in the mirror and seeing a bald head shine back at me. I haven’t decided yet exactly how I feel about it. I guess time will tell.

My 43rd birthday is tomorrow. I never expected to be on this journey last year, but God has me here for a reason. I hope and pray that I can be an encouragement to someone else on their journey. I am so thankful again for God’s faithfulness and your prayers. I am humbled that so many people are praying for me. Tomorrow is going to be a great day! God has this in His hands!

Prayer Points for Today:

• That the headache would subside completely
• That my neutrophils will not drop so low this week
• That the Neulasta shot will work again
• That I will not develop an infection or fever this week
• That the fatigue will get better

I know that God has a plan for my life and this breast cancer journey. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11…

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.”

After the last couple of months of being anxious about when I would get to start chemo and if I had waited too long already, it finally happened. On Tuesday, I got the stitches and drain out from my tissue expander removal surgery the beginning of July. So yesterday, I had my first dose of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. It was a bittersweet moment and several times I wondered if I was crazy for actually wanting to start chemo even though I know it was my only option with TNBC.

It happened pretty quick. I saw Dr. Davidson about 10:45a and was in a treatment chair by 11:45a. After several pre-drugs (steroids, anti-nausea meds and fluid) it was time for the Adriamycin or “the Red Devil.” Not gonna lie, it was kind of scary. The nurse has to suit up so that she is protected because it can damage skin and tissue if it doesn’t go directly into the vein via my port. I had 3 big syringes that had to be pushed by hand over the next 15 to 20 minutes while eating ice the entire time. I was freezing by the time we were through. After the Adriamycin, it was time for the Cytoxan which takes a little over an hour to dispense through my port. So 2 hours and 45 minutes later, I was on my way home feeling okay or so I thought.

About 4:30p, I started getting a headache and my mouth started tasting very metallic and about an hour later nausea hit full force. There is nothing worse than feeling nauseous and not being able to stop it. I started taking the anti-nausea meds, but it really didn’t get better until this morning. This is definitely going to take some getting used to.

I am so thankful that my Dad is here to help. He has been my rock. I can’t image what he’s thinking having to watch me go through this. I know how I would feel if it was him, and I’m so glad it’s not.

I had a Neulasta shot this morning and I’m praying that the bone pain is a minimal. As I type this I am still nauseated, but the tiredness has not hit yet. I believe that will happen tomorrow or Sunday. Praying the next 3 doses of AC over the next month and half will be somewhat better.

Prayer Points for Today:

• That the nausea and headache would subside
• That I will be able to eat something in spite of the nausea
• That the Neulasta shot will boost my white blood cells without side effects
• That I will not develop an infection or fever after this treatment

I’m headed back into surgery today. My 4th since April 7. My left incision is stubbornly not wanting to heal, so my plastic surgeon is going back in to drain the expander and close it back up hoping that it will heal. Unfortunately, I will have another drain (or two). Ugh!!! If this doesn’t work, he will take the expander out and I’ll have to revisit the reconstruction sometime next year.

I’m clinging to Psalm 56:3: When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. The Lord has been so faithful throughout this journey, and I am grateful even when I don’t understand. I am putting my hope and trust in Him.

Satan is also on the attack…my mind has not been able to shut down since the surgery was scheduled yesterday. You see, this surgery also means that my chemo will be delayed. I’m not gonna lie, this scares me. I have an aggressive cancer and chemo is the only thing it responds to, so the longer I wait, the more my recurrence chance goes up. I know that God’s timing is perfect, but my human side is rebelling. I’ve never been a very patient person.

Prayer Points for Today

• Pray for the surgeon and all medical personnel
• Pray for strength and endurance (I’m tired of the anesthesia and antibiotics.)
• Pray for fast healing so that I can begin chemo

I finally have a surgery date…Friday, April 7…5 weeks from tomorrow.

I’m not thrilled with having to wait 5 weeks, but both doctors have vacations planned. Don’t they know that I have an aggressive cancer in my right breast?!?!? I am really trusting the Lord with this and trying to remember His timing is perfect. My fervent prayer at this point is that it will not spread in the next 5 weeks and that everything will go smoothly.

The Lord has truly been faithful in carrying me on this journey. I don’t know where I would be without His love, mercy and grace.

I have a discipleship retreat this weekend. I debated whether or not to go, but I really feel the Lord is prompting me to get away. I am praying that the Lord will help to let go of whatever I need to let go of and to embrace Him more. He is my Rock and my Salvation.

I am putting my trust in Him alone.

Prayer Points for Today

• That the cancer will not spread before surgery
• For the doctors who will perform the surgery
• For the discipleship retreat